family

who would have ever guessed, eh

ugh

i forgot to today was easter.  i have to work tonight.  we get our uniforms pressed before every shift.  my cleaners are not open.  fml

hades

so lets talk about yesterday shall we.

i was in new york for the day, and before i left a friend and i went out for dinner.  we went to a very subpar thai restaurant.  subpar enough that we half expected, and got our hearts set on, them presenting us with fortune cookies at the end.  they did not.  but being the wily, young cats that we are we walked up the street to noodles 28 (b.c. shout out) and the woman at the door was kind enough to supply us with our fortunes.  perfect.  

mine read: be prepared for the unexpected

my friend and i analyzed our fortunes and decided that in reality they were last weeks.  that mine was in reference to having to be prepared to find an apartment if things fell through with current plans.  so i tucked the little slip into my back pocket and forgot about it.

i must have ticked off the fates something woeful in brushing off my fortune, because they decided to rain down on me with the full might of their wrath.  the rest of the night looked something like this:

giving myself a good hour i leave the apartment i was staying at on the UES to head into chinatown to catch my bus.  i grabbed a cab and told the driver 3 pike street.  he took me to perk something street.  15 minutes before check in at the bus.  then he asked me to look up where we were going on the map in the back.  like that was happening.  after he made a few phone calls we luckily managed to find the location.

whew!  things should be fine now, i honestly thought that i actually had prepared in advance by booking megabus both to and from new york.  on the way there it was great, a totally reputable company, on time, double decker bus, wi-fi, you know the works.  well, did you know that megabus contracts out the eastern, aka chinatown, bus line?  i did not.  

upon arriving at the "station" (chinese foot reflexology, massage and spa) i showed the two women checking people in my printed reservation sheet.  when i booked my tickets i just went ahead and got roundtrip fare.  it seemed to make sense.  god am i stupid.  it took both women over 15 minutes to figure out that i was not trying to trick them.  they were absolutely convinced that i was trying to use yesterdays reservation to board this bus.  you know the one that says april 10th from dc to new york, and the one that is also located directly above the one that says april 11th from new york to dc.  with two different reservation codes.  things did eventually work out and i got on the bus.  i was one of three people on the bus, the other two were trying to go to baltimore, a location in which we were not going.  after i sat down the bus driver asked me if i could help move up the two seats in my row so he could clean up the vomit in the seats behind me.  oh god!

the bus driver agreed to drop the baltimore boys off at penn station so they could catch a different bus, and you know so he could get a sabrett hot dog.  whatever, so we were off.  i turned on my ipod, balled up my sweatpants and rested my head against the window.  finally a little rest.  it was a rainy, depressive sort of day and a little time to reflect would just be so nice.  thats when the driver stopped, in the left lane mind you, to turn on a will smith movie.  will smith.  not perfect.  seven pounds to be exact.  listen i dont want to give away anything if you were planning on seeing this thrilling film, but you werent so i dont feel badly.  he kills himself with a jellyfish in a tub full of ice.  i did not make that up.  i had to stay awake to watch that shit.

thank the dear lord it finally ended.  headphones back in, head back rested, two hours left, time for a napperoo.  oh no, no, no, no.  they popped another film in, all of the previews were tyler perry movies.  great a tyler perry movie.  wrong.  a tyler perry musical, stage play that was filmed.  the marriage counselor.  so absolutely beyond not perfect.  not only that but it was so fucking loud that i literally could not drown out the sound with my ipod volume on full blast.  i got so upset i tried to call a couple of friends, but i could not even hear them over the film.  my mother called me and just started laughing.  great im glad she was enjoying it.  i was actually having a panic attack i think.  

thank god i saw dc looming on the horizon.  wrong it was baltimore.  what the fuck.  i actually had to give up on trying to avoid this god awful film and gave into it.  we ended up pulling into dc before it was over, but im pretty sure it ends with the main character getting aids.  thats uplifting. 

when i got to dc i had planned on meeting up with some friends at a favorite bar.  well too bad they were still in virginia.  so i decided to walk up to starbucks to wait a while for them to get there.  oh no seating.  what the fuck.  then i wandered the streets with my blue, puma duffle and tall cappuccino.  too bad dcs chinatown is literally 4 city blocks, shaped like a plus sign.  how horrible and tragic.  i was that dreary, bleary, sad little girl walking back and forth up the same 4 blocks alone, texting a friend about my situation.  i also needed to apply some deodorant.  things were going horribly.  luckily from the street i could see that this woman was getting up from her seat at starbucks, i was on the phone at the time and i said "great i am going to go get this table this woman just left" when all of the sudden this man shoved me, walked into starbucks and took the table.  you have got to be kidding.  someone else ended up getting up also so i took their seat, but still seriously sir.  

that lasted about 4 minutes when one of the friendly dc baristas told me they were closing.  ugh ugh ugh.  i grabbed a cab and headed over towards the bar we were meeting at.   they still hadnt left virginia.  i figured i would just sit at the late night mcdonalds.  no just kidding, it was closed because of a brawl, the doors were locked and inside were about 6 cops and a man with bandages around his head.  great, way to get into a fight right now.  i was absolutely refusing to go into this bar alone and with luggage, but finally i gave in.  i wish i hadnt, everyone kept staring at me.  the bartender was just kind of offended.  so now picture this.  im drinking alone at a crowded bar, its 1230 in the morning and i still have my sunglasses with me, as well as a duffle bag.  things are going so well in my life.

finally my friends showed up and i dropped my things in their car.  somehow the night drew to a close with me still having all of my appendages and at home, but let this harrowing tale be a warning to you - heed your fortune, its true!