yesterday morning i found a used band-aid in my shower. normally i wouldnt have really cared, except the culprit opted to stash it amidst my toiletries. this could mean war.

i am so good at facebook. like insanely good. i dont even mean facebook. i mean finding people. give me a first name and any one other fact about a person and they are mine.

guess who got hit square in the eye with a mop handle today

my contact popped out in the walk in and a black eye is pending

it can not possibly be normal to get the shakes and have night terrors over butternut squash custards

everyone at work has been calling me morgan, well except the girl that calls me rachel. on friday my sous chef finally decided to correct them. now everyone calls me jan. thanks kyle.

The best way ive found to both binge eat and feel good about myself is to watch a ruby marathon in bed.

if i were an elementary school student the amount of bruising i have would be cause for a surprise home visit from child protective services