i quit smoking like a week ago and im going mad!

I recently spilled a container of pickled jalapenos meant for my quiznos veggie sub on my sheets.  this means three things: 1. my bed is spicy 2. ive been sleeping on a bare mattress for four days, and 3. I eat in the comfort of my bed.

I wish I could write poetry so I could talk about my feelings and no one would know what I was talking about.

it was recently brought to my attention that I write like a left handed person.  isnt that fucking scary?

ive been keeping my delicates in a reusable chanukah themed shopping bag for nearing a year due to lack of storage space

last night i ordered a spicy pork burrito from a local, allegedly, authentic mexican restaurant. i was rather surprised to find large slabs of carrots littered throughout, assuming it was regional? come to find out its not traditional...however if you accidentally order the vegetarian burrito and never notice that there in fact is no spicy pork...

at 24 years old i still take advice from dear coke talk


oh and star charts

ive moved back to my original space. ill either be impaled or i wont right?

i have legitimately changed sides of the bed that i sleep on for fear of the picture frame. it has been worth it.

in other news i am drowning myself in 60s nyc culture. if i kill myself or get head lice that is why.

a friend of mine recently drew me a lovely picture that i wanted to display in my bedroom. so i framed it and decided to hang it above my bed. one of the many issues with living in an attic is that we have sloped walls. that is to say that my cute drawing encased in glass and metal now hangs precariously off, and i mean off, the wall directly over my slumbering head at night.

view from my pillow. terror.

im watching the ballad of ricky bobby on tbs by myself in a hot room smoking menthol cigarettes on the eve of americas independence. not great.

Mall cop? pilot?  Man in black?  Blues brother?  Waitress...

facebook chatting with my mother

Anne Alexander (10:53pm)

my seven days of restaurant law has made us very similar professionally

Barbara Alexander (10:54pm)

True that. By the way, love the new profile picture. Gotta go for now. love me

I need suggestions for the most obnoxious and nostalgic songs for my upcoming roadtrip.

sleeping with the windows open may be the death of me. my sinuses are so stuffed im not quite sure im breathing.

Statement of fact: I am wearing mens bathing trunks at the gym.

Gifts Galore

the absolutely astounding response to christian and my PLEE for housewares has been emotionally overwhelming. who knew that there were three people in this world that valued both he and i so much.

first, brandons kind words regarding the death of my dog, in addition to the xanax taped to the inside cover to help me deal with the pain of both his passing and my terribly upsetting move

knowing that christian and i are too lazy to replace the lightbulb in what some would refer to as our main parlor, andrew found the kindness in his heart to bring us this voodoo light. now, no, it doesnt illuminate, but yes it does blind. i wont say its helpful, but it certainly is thoughtful.

a second offering from andrew, this lovely fan he has suggested is more for him than us, because our apartment he finds to be uncomfortably warm.

a beautiful man, by the name of silvano (www.allafternoonthen.blogspot.com) realized how traumatized you all would be if i were incapable of posting my blogs. and such came the wireless router, and the birth of our prettyflyforawifi hotspot station.

additionally he knew that i would need my muscle shakes to power through the night writing my drafts and the like, and included this stunning personal drink blender.

will the hits keep on coming?

yesterday i applied to be the cashier at a gentlemans club, unfortunately our hours dont match up. back to the drawing board.

christian and i are all moved in to our new tenement and let me tell you it is squalor.

first of all, as we live and breath i am sitting in my room typing to you and i am sweating buckets. legitimate buckets. it is as hot as a whores mouth (i dont think thats a real saying, it is however one of those nonsensical things people spout out when they become frustrated and logic no longer applies...additionally i doubt whores have cool mouths). im sure you were able to figure that we dont have a/c, and that is true, we also dont have a washer dryer or dishwasher. who would need those things. we do have a coffin with a shower head in it. that is a trying situation in and of itself. we finally got internet...but not a router, therefore we do not have internet and i am, fingers crossed, pirating this from an unknown source. the girls that live on the first floor are constantly high and last night they left the main door to our building open as well as one of their laptops and three dollars in change sitting on it on the front porch. they go to marist so its not a huge surprise they are dumb as fuck. they also stole my parking spot, which reasonably isnt a spot at all but an amount of gravel left over from everyone elses demarcated parking spaces that i try to squeeze the highlander into. on the topic of parking, i have already gotten two parking tickets here in hell in the last two weeks. that was an aside, and reasonably my fault. oh and one of my headlights is out. i dont find that to be an issue, eventually a cop will stop me and thats when i think i may realize its out. until then, ride til we die. the people on the second floor are always cooking brassica foods, so as you can imagine it smells like asshole all the time.

you may be asking why i am telling you all of this, well ill just be honest with you. last year when i moved into my dorm room i requested people donate mugs, and what a response! now yes it was only three people, one of which continues to be a mystery, however those three individuals restored my faith in humanity and better yet allowed me to drink piping hot cups of maxwell house gourmet supreme coffee. today in our costing class christian and i compiled a list of every possible thing we could think of that we desperately need. i am going to repost that here for you.

a broom

other cleaning supplies

paper products (mostly paper towels, seeing as thus far we've been quite successful in acquiring free toilet paper)
wireless router
a slip for a futon
a bottom sheet for a queen sized bed
pillow covers for ratty couch pillows
a blanket for overnight guests (please)*
dvd player
HDMI cable
book case
small table and chairs for our expansive dining room
chairs for living room

a roomba or any sort of vacuum
air conditioner
beautiful artwork
massive dvd collection
fuckin bumpin stereo system
jesus candles
step stool to reach the bathroom mirror
microwave
induction burner
immersion circulator
light bulbs
antigriddle (we went to see grant achatz today)
nixon mask
magic bullet
andrew sherman
persian rugs
swords to adorn the walls
us as juggalos portrait
poppers (both jalepeno and regular)
mirrored wall paneling (removable if possible)
chinese sex swing (for weekday activities)

highlighted listings have been acquisitioned (technically this form of this word makes it not a word)

that pretty much sums it up. it would be super fucking helpful if you guys would get us some of that stuff, or really anything else you can think of. i can virtually guarantee it will get hung up. brandons xanax filled letter is already on the empty refrigerator.

you can reach the littlest chau and i at:
44 marshall st
apt #3
poughkeepsie, ny 12601







*the please is to having guests ever



as always
annie a

it impossible to tell the difference between when my father is talking to me and when he is talking at me. ive decided its all at.

the concept of a hotel room giving you an espresso machine is only a good idea in theory. in practice having to give your guest a 20 page manual to figure it out is torture.

going out for coffee

after about a solid minute of heavy duty teeth brushing, i realized i was using my fathers toothbrush. ugh.

sunday morning:

weve just finished enjoying a lovely complimentary breakfast at the hotel. we are also still without loonies or toonies of any sort, so hopefully being tipped was not what our server had in mind.

At some normal style northern new jersey bar, feeling like a straight juggalo.

It's nearing the six oclock hour and we are still without both lodging and any sort of canadian currency.  We are, however, just speaking at people in english.  To what I can only imagine is their delight.

Enjoying a tuna salad sandwich/greek salad you pick two feast at panera in the cultural epicenter of plattsburgh, ny. Will be experiencing radio silence upon crossing the boarder to avoid astronomical fees. Clearly not my idea.

Blamo temporary international data plan. First world problem solved with a first world solution.

A mere three hours outside of the city and rest stop establishments do not carry the new yorker.  Dying a slow and painful death.

Additionally if I were a "precious" metal according to my father I would be copper.  Ryan is silver, at least.

Update: connor is bronze and michael is aluminium

Canadian father daughter roadtrip diaries:

My father is currently telling me about how much he loves crows, and how he feeds them dog food by tossing it into the trees.

Do you know what's really creepy?  Well when youre sleeping at 330 in the morning and your incredibly drunk korean male roommate comes barging in rustling around.  Proceeds to tell you he knows its creepy but hes sleeping with you, pushes you over and cuddles you a bit.

its this gals last day of work, and while i may have had my "differences" with the positions ive held the guys are going out of their way and making me a special dinner tonight. like honestly, how sweet. were having korean barbeque for family meal, and ive even heard tale that pastry is making some special confections.

all that aside, ive heard the cutest mewlings this morning, and i have been praying my hardest that a small kitten is trapped in our apartment for me to love forever.

last, and actually least, i may have to end it all over leaving new york yet again. back to the baltimore of new york could be the straw that breaks this camels back.

i suppose its unreasonable to just decide that the mice are gone, it does however help me sleep at night

due to the extreme filth we live in our apartment has been infested with mice, or potentially rats as philip is pretty sure they are. i have decided to barricade my room by shoving towels under my doors. i either will have succeeded in keeping the vermin out, or have incidentally trapped them in.

my bed is a mattress on the floor. things are about to get real real.

i am absolutely dreading having children and having to help them with their math homework. truth is i didnt know dick about x when i was in 8th grade, and i sure as shit wont know any more about it when my child takes algebra.

this is only one of a long list of grievances i have about my future, alleged family

there is something that drives me absolutely crazy when people wear danskos outside of the kitchen as legitimate footwear. these shoes are hideous.

why do my roommates change the shower head setting daily. the only reason those things have different settings is because people are scared of falling into routine, not because they actually want scary massage setting on.

words of the week: blam-o and foolish. expect to hear them often.

from my mothers facebook. im calling it "marital bliss" subtitled "the kids are alright"

Barbara Alexander

Jed is done with his job, so he currently stays at home during the day. This is some adjustment (not recommended) His first great act was to create a chore list, telling me what to clean and on what day. He posted it on the refrigerator for me to see. I thought I had been doing the chores without a list for 25 years. At least now I know what he is doing with his time.

Friday at 12:08pm · ·

• • 
    
  • 

    Barbara Alexander I want to be clear on this. Jed did give himself chores, but he excluded those he finds less desirable. I am working on my own list, and I too am choosing my chores. I like cooking so that will be one, and with Trader Joe's and Wegman's I still enjoy going food shopping. That will be the sum total in my new world. Neither of us have listed things like changing the cat litter. Houston - We have a problem!

    
    
  • 
    

yesterday i finally got my christmas package. these were the contents: a $20 bill, an itunes gift card, two j. crew gift cards, a chipotle gift card and a subway gift card. my mother literally could not know me any better.

i havent had sheets on my bed in three weeks. its not that i couldnt, and its not that they arent clean. its that walking the four doors down to the laundromat to pick up my clean sheets is near impossible, and until i run out of underwear AND the 24 hour duane read closes i have no real need to.

my roommates and i likewise havent had toilet paper in nearing two weeks. those duane read trips are on the way to work and carrying rolls of toilet paper all day seems cumbersome.

my glasses are still broken, but its just an arm so technically i can still use them.

im currently wearing my un-sweatpants (thats how they were marketed) inside out.

despite these hardships last night harry potter himself came into our restaurant and i got to feed him. it was in fact the best moment of my adult life.

i broke the arm off of my glasses like 3 weeks ago, similar to heart palpitations, jaundice and moderate alcoholism, i imagine this will sort itself out

the laundromat was open when i got home last night...they open at 6 in the morning. today is going to be dreadful.

yesterday morning i found a used band-aid in my shower. normally i wouldnt have really cared, except the culprit opted to stash it amidst my toiletries. this could mean war.

i am so good at facebook. like insanely good. i dont even mean facebook. i mean finding people. give me a first name and any one other fact about a person and they are mine.

guess who got hit square in the eye with a mop handle today

my contact popped out in the walk in and a black eye is pending

it can not possibly be normal to get the shakes and have night terrors over butternut squash custards

everyone at work has been calling me morgan, well except the girl that calls me rachel. on friday my sous chef finally decided to correct them. now everyone calls me jan. thanks kyle.

The best way ive found to both binge eat and feel good about myself is to watch a ruby marathon in bed.

if i were an elementary school student the amount of bruising i have would be cause for a surprise home visit from child protective services