ok so almost too much has happened since I last posted. Im going to briefly summarize it all up and say, both my parents/grandmothers visit and my bat mitzvah were lovely. Do you know how before something happens you have an image of how it will turn out in your mind. How people will react, what things will be like, you know all that jazz? Well it was actually like that, and its never like that.
Ive also been violently ill, shil shul, it’s a killer ya know. Thank the heavens im better now, but there sure were a couple of days where I was about ready to cut my little tum-tum out my body and toss it onto the ground, good as it was doing me. sitting in our steamy horrible little apartment for three full days watching the foul programming on HOT television networks was less than thrilling, although I did force myself into finishing a lesson before dying (reading is good kids). what an interesting message for those of you thatve read it (although ive heard it was quite a popular read in like sixth grade so I doubt most of you remember it) one day I hope to be reading at my equivalent grade level, which is still, as Ive heard from my new place of matriculation, a freshman in college. Always the youngest huh, well time catches up with us all doesn’t it. A 21 year old freshman is basically all Ive ever wanted, especially if that means I can go to university a mere five minute walk from my parents front door. Dream of dreams. Well at least im moving steps closer to being an aimless 20-something WITH a degree, and that’s really all my parents want ya know.
Before I have to go and subject myself to classroom lecture-style learning at uni Ive still go the summer to finish off the last two years of my wretched wasteful life, so here are my fun sounding hypothetical planz!
June 18th my tumultuous ten months here in am yisrael come to an end (we really need to think of an appropriate segue for this blog to continue after this date…)
Somewhere between June 19th – July 1st id really love to be backpacking through Thailand with virtually anyone whod like to come, otherwise it looks like Ill be touring Egypt and Jordan before spending a couple of days in nyc
Ive heard tale that BWP is planning on coming to visit the Metropolitan DC/Baltimore area for the celebration of our nations independence on July 4th in this lovely year of our lord
Following which I might have to sojourn into the jungles of the south to see him in Columbia
Also Ive heard early august ill be attending the Virgin music festival in Baltimore, this would be a good time for you to come out and meet me amongst my many friends and fans, I can most easily be found haunting the dance tent and checking out some prime acts on the main stages. hopefully you know my taste in music, its not too difficult (read: gay male style electronica/lesbian style songstress paired with either piano or guitar, perhaps both)
Up for debate are trips I could always use company for to Chicago, Hilton Head, Boulder, Pennsylvania (enlighten me as to why so many Jews call this home) and of course New York
Of course I also apparently need to have a job this summer, which is such a taxing idea to think about. I suppose Ill serve tables (don’t worry Brio Im not coming back) unless you’ve got a better idea of how I can make cash in hand quickly.
Side: I wish when I wrote interactive things to you, you would write back. That’s how this is supposed to work. Not that it isn’t pleasant to hear directly from you that you enjoy my blog, but then how will everyone else know. Its all about internet popularity.
Ok over that side
So I turn 21 at the end of august, my fake has expired in October and it looks like Im facing a lonely two months of living with my parents and having no where to go. Although getting older is the bane of, well, everyone’s existence, lord please let those months fly by. Believe you me when august 24th arrives it will be glorious. Hopefully by sept 1st ill be out of the house and living as any independent woman should, completely dependent on my parents until someone else chooses to take on my financial responsibility.
It looks as if its lunch time at work, how fun.
Just as a short afterwards:
I want to thank everyone for either coming and participating in my bat mitzvah or for your thoughts and well wishes, as well as generous gifts. It all means a lot.
- Anne
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Caitlin Thomas (and her jewish roommate)
well hello caitlin,
how are you? hopefully well. its thursday so i suppose youre gearing up for another fun weekend out there in blacksburg, that should be nice. i wish you all the best with that. you know college is winding down though, and those fun weekends too. man thats kind of depressing, ya know no more pregaming at your pad, no more stumbling in at 4 in the morning with a random boy (even if it is to your twin bed). youre sure going to miss that i bet.
OH WAIT!!!
A SOLUTION
caitlin, continue the party next year by moving in with brandon andrew and i. man why didnt i think of this sooner. god arent i a godsend. this solves all of your problems! and hey its very moderately priced, priced to sell one might even say. and its near several job opportunity locations and a major highway to speedily get you down to the nations capitol. goodness.
(caitlins jewish roommate really this is good for you too, i mean dont you want somewhere to stay when you come to visit? i mean dont get me wrong im sure you could stay at her parents but they arent jewish and i am so that would probably make you feel more comfortable, im sure you dont disagree)
anyways caitlin point being, i think i could MAYBE talk andrew and brandon into letting you be our fourth. obviously this is an honor, and shouldnt be looked down upon. next year could be the best year, so just let it!
ok GOOD so then we can draft up papers soon
ps im thinking some sort of blue palate what do you think???
ANNNEEE
how are you? hopefully well. its thursday so i suppose youre gearing up for another fun weekend out there in blacksburg, that should be nice. i wish you all the best with that. you know college is winding down though, and those fun weekends too. man thats kind of depressing, ya know no more pregaming at your pad, no more stumbling in at 4 in the morning with a random boy (even if it is to your twin bed). youre sure going to miss that i bet.
OH WAIT!!!
A SOLUTION
caitlin, continue the party next year by moving in with brandon andrew and i. man why didnt i think of this sooner. god arent i a godsend. this solves all of your problems! and hey its very moderately priced, priced to sell one might even say. and its near several job opportunity locations and a major highway to speedily get you down to the nations capitol. goodness.
(caitlins jewish roommate really this is good for you too, i mean dont you want somewhere to stay when you come to visit? i mean dont get me wrong im sure you could stay at her parents but they arent jewish and i am so that would probably make you feel more comfortable, im sure you dont disagree)
anyways caitlin point being, i think i could MAYBE talk andrew and brandon into letting you be our fourth. obviously this is an honor, and shouldnt be looked down upon. next year could be the best year, so just let it!
ok GOOD so then we can draft up papers soon
ps im thinking some sort of blue palate what do you think???
ANNNEEE
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
RIP
RIP to the best friend ive ever had
WAFFLE HOUSE SWEATSHIRT
barb admitted to throwing you out
what a terrible person
ill always remember the good times....
feat: carey and elyse
feat: amreth "antrhax" daniel long
just me
god doesnt she know what a comfort you were to me all those times i was too drunk to function
-not only did this wretched thing happen to me today-
BUUT
while sharon and i were walking about in the shuk (open air market) shopping around for tacky knick knacks and gaudy jewelzzz i can wear to offer nissim on friday another one of my horrible ridiculous things happened. first off, we are walking and i stopped to check out one of the stands and this foreign aid worker RAMMED the elderly mad she was pushing in a wheelchair into my leg. i dealt though, because i mean i probably shouldnt have just abruptly stopped....then again she did also hit sharon while we were walking for no reason. so ok whatever that happens, that shit happens all the time, but the real story is after we got away from the vicious wheelchair woman and actually stopped at a stand. i was looking at this heinous but kind of AMAZING silver snake coil necklace/bracelet. i ended up deciding against it, and told the man id think about it. i tried to hand it back, he didnt take it, so i kind of stuck my arm further out, he still didnt take it so i was like "fine, whatever here you go" and tossed it back down to where id picked it up from. NO LIE, seriously NO LIE, he goes something along the lines of, "UGHARRGHH" and thennnnn PUNCHED ME. i swear to god. he HIT me in the arm like he punched me. i like cant even. i can not EVEN. i told sharon and she was like, "i didnt see that it didnt happen" but then i showed her the knuckle marks, because it DID happen. LORD my life sometime. anyways, after that TRAUMA i told sharon we had to leave and in a HURRY, of course we took an alternate route, i couldnt see my assailant again. HELL IM A BATTERED WOMAN.
since all of these awful things happened i just HAD to get sushi and ice cream (not exactly in the budget...) and i STOLE kylie minogues entire 10th studio album X offline. dont be mad kylie, youre brightening a day in the life of someone, and isnt that why you got into this business in the first place?
Anne
WAFFLE HOUSE SWEATSHIRT
barb admitted to throwing you out
what a terrible person
ill always remember the good times....
feat: carey and elyse
feat: amreth "antrhax" daniel long
just me
god doesnt she know what a comfort you were to me all those times i was too drunk to function
-not only did this wretched thing happen to me today-
BUUT
while sharon and i were walking about in the shuk (open air market) shopping around for tacky knick knacks and gaudy jewelzzz i can wear to offer nissim on friday another one of my horrible ridiculous things happened. first off, we are walking and i stopped to check out one of the stands and this foreign aid worker RAMMED the elderly mad she was pushing in a wheelchair into my leg. i dealt though, because i mean i probably shouldnt have just abruptly stopped....then again she did also hit sharon while we were walking for no reason. so ok whatever that happens, that shit happens all the time, but the real story is after we got away from the vicious wheelchair woman and actually stopped at a stand. i was looking at this heinous but kind of AMAZING silver snake coil necklace/bracelet. i ended up deciding against it, and told the man id think about it. i tried to hand it back, he didnt take it, so i kind of stuck my arm further out, he still didnt take it so i was like "fine, whatever here you go" and tossed it back down to where id picked it up from. NO LIE, seriously NO LIE, he goes something along the lines of, "UGHARRGHH" and thennnnn PUNCHED ME. i swear to god. he HIT me in the arm like he punched me. i like cant even. i can not EVEN. i told sharon and she was like, "i didnt see that it didnt happen" but then i showed her the knuckle marks, because it DID happen. LORD my life sometime. anyways, after that TRAUMA i told sharon we had to leave and in a HURRY, of course we took an alternate route, i couldnt see my assailant again. HELL IM A BATTERED WOMAN.
since all of these awful things happened i just HAD to get sushi and ice cream (not exactly in the budget...) and i STOLE kylie minogues entire 10th studio album X offline. dont be mad kylie, youre brightening a day in the life of someone, and isnt that why you got into this business in the first place?
Anne
Thursday, April 3, 2008
obsessed with Southie
on my way to work today legitimately the most UNUSUAL thing happened to me.
not just like strange or slightly off, but
UNUSUAL
and i never use that word
(also please say unusual several times out loud real quick, isnt it a treat for your larynx and diaphragm. well i sure think so. it allows me to express virtually the entirety of my full bodied timbre in just one word. it just rolls around in there, lovely)
so about 45 minutes into my hour long sojourn to work, deep in the darkest depths of South Tel Aviv, this elderly woman starts motioning at me on the side walk. i respectfully took off my headphones and listened to her say a bunch of crazy shit in hebrew, something about my shirt and "ein li yad" which to me directly translates to "i am without hand". well she had two hands and i was like "you cant have my shirt". strange people approach me all the time in israel so i was kind of like, ok i knowt he drill, im going to leave now. but then she lifted her shawl up a little bit and what do you know shes in only a bra. we are talking about like a 65 year old woman with a cane thing wandering the streets of tel aviv in a bra at 9 o'clock in the morning. then i nocticed that there appeared to be a ripped shirt around her neck. so im like, alright i get whats going on here, this crazy woman that thinks she has no hands ripped her shirt and now she wants mine. i was all like back off lady, you cant have my ingrid michaelson shirt, my mom bought it for me, ya know.
as im trying to back away and leave she kind of grabbed me and then with her left arm grabbed her right to demonstrate that in fact she has a lame right arm. besides feeling like i could probably improve my hebrew quite substantially, this is around the time i realize im way too absorbed in whatever is going to happen next to care if this woman is really a gypsy and several small children are lurking close behind to steal my valuables (ie my israel phone, university of colorado student id bearing my high school senior picture, several receipts and my new bathing suit). over the next few minutes and several one armed hand motions i realize that its not a ripped shirt, she just cant get it on, and in fact is expecting me to dress her in the middle of the sidewalk. first off i have no idea how she got the level of dressedness that she was currently at, but i got to thinking, she very well might have left her house for the sole purpose of finding someone to dress her, and that made me sad. i really like old people, even ones with dry skin and hairy armpits like this one. so i unslung her purse (again how did she get that on, she must be like a wizard with one arm), set it on the ground, and set to work putting her spandex black and white polka-dotted shirt on. (in retrospect i should have known she didnt want my ingrid michaelson shirt, different styles you know). i had to curl her right arm up into a little ball so i could try to just shoot it out the end of the sleeve, i think it worked pretty well and thank goodness for the spandex. once we got that bad boy through, we were able to a bit more gracefully slid her other arm in. the i pulled the shirt down around the bod, and after the shirt was officially on and covering both her arms and mid section i resettled her shawl and whipped the purse back on. she thanked me, i think, or said something, i dont know, snatched up her walking platform stick thing with the good hand and scuttled off.
most UNUSUAL five minutes of my life.
also read Haaretz.com today, scroll down to the bottom of the page, see the opinion section. yes thats right i did that. no, no, dont be silly i didnt write any of the articles, but i did pick, caption and crop that picture, as well as write the 3 lines explaining the story. dont be too impressed!
Anne
not just like strange or slightly off, but
UNUSUAL
and i never use that word
(also please say unusual several times out loud real quick, isnt it a treat for your larynx and diaphragm. well i sure think so. it allows me to express virtually the entirety of my full bodied timbre in just one word. it just rolls around in there, lovely)
so about 45 minutes into my hour long sojourn to work, deep in the darkest depths of South Tel Aviv, this elderly woman starts motioning at me on the side walk. i respectfully took off my headphones and listened to her say a bunch of crazy shit in hebrew, something about my shirt and "ein li yad" which to me directly translates to "i am without hand". well she had two hands and i was like "you cant have my shirt". strange people approach me all the time in israel so i was kind of like, ok i knowt he drill, im going to leave now. but then she lifted her shawl up a little bit and what do you know shes in only a bra. we are talking about like a 65 year old woman with a cane thing wandering the streets of tel aviv in a bra at 9 o'clock in the morning. then i nocticed that there appeared to be a ripped shirt around her neck. so im like, alright i get whats going on here, this crazy woman that thinks she has no hands ripped her shirt and now she wants mine. i was all like back off lady, you cant have my ingrid michaelson shirt, my mom bought it for me, ya know.
as im trying to back away and leave she kind of grabbed me and then with her left arm grabbed her right to demonstrate that in fact she has a lame right arm. besides feeling like i could probably improve my hebrew quite substantially, this is around the time i realize im way too absorbed in whatever is going to happen next to care if this woman is really a gypsy and several small children are lurking close behind to steal my valuables (ie my israel phone, university of colorado student id bearing my high school senior picture, several receipts and my new bathing suit). over the next few minutes and several one armed hand motions i realize that its not a ripped shirt, she just cant get it on, and in fact is expecting me to dress her in the middle of the sidewalk. first off i have no idea how she got the level of dressedness that she was currently at, but i got to thinking, she very well might have left her house for the sole purpose of finding someone to dress her, and that made me sad. i really like old people, even ones with dry skin and hairy armpits like this one. so i unslung her purse (again how did she get that on, she must be like a wizard with one arm), set it on the ground, and set to work putting her spandex black and white polka-dotted shirt on. (in retrospect i should have known she didnt want my ingrid michaelson shirt, different styles you know). i had to curl her right arm up into a little ball so i could try to just shoot it out the end of the sleeve, i think it worked pretty well and thank goodness for the spandex. once we got that bad boy through, we were able to a bit more gracefully slid her other arm in. the i pulled the shirt down around the bod, and after the shirt was officially on and covering both her arms and mid section i resettled her shawl and whipped the purse back on. she thanked me, i think, or said something, i dont know, snatched up her walking platform stick thing with the good hand and scuttled off.
most UNUSUAL five minutes of my life.
also read Haaretz.com today, scroll down to the bottom of the page, see the opinion section. yes thats right i did that. no, no, dont be silly i didnt write any of the articles, but i did pick, caption and crop that picture, as well as write the 3 lines explaining the story. dont be too impressed!
Anne
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
well ok
I moved to Tel Aviv yesterday. It was a long day. We bought groceries. I had delicious shokshuka a few blocks away with goat cheese and grilled peppers. Enough of that boring story.
I started my big shot internship at Haaretz newspaper today and I’m feeling rather compelled to do something journalistic. Lucky for me ridiculous things tend to happen pretty much all the time. After proofing several hundred talk backs I decided to take a little break for a snackeroonie. I walked upstairs to the top floor to check out the in-building restaurant. I wasn’t exactly bowled over with their selections, and I must say I’m still pretty green about living here in the ‘viv, so I opted to take a walk and find somewhere fun and fresh (read: corporate and trendy) on my own. I quite obviously have no idea where I am in relation to anything, but that’s neither here nor there, and specifically not a deterrent. So I took off, the one working ipod headphone in ear blaring a collection of eurotrash beats and dirty techno, down the rough and tumble streets of Southie. (I’m going to start saying things like the ‘viv and Southie, don’t think real Israeli’s say that mess, I realistically just sound like a jerkoff , but I think its fun). I ended up finding my way to a pretty cute little area of town, with several of the aforementioned “fun and fresh” business lunch dining establishments. Mostly cute chain cafes and sandwich stands. I opted for popular late night munch out favorite Karnaf. It’s like Israel’s most decent version of a burrito, still more reminiscent of shwarma, but they do make a delicious corn tortilla for you on the spot with a giant griddle. (If I knew anything about computers here is where I would include a link to a previous entry (Halloween) in which I went to Karnaf and it would be cute and technologically savvy, but I don’t.)
I swooped in, jumped up to the front of the line and even managed to order in broken Hebrew. I was feeling pretty good about myself, I mean I am a Tel Avivian now, best act like it. The cashier handed me my receipt, I grabbed a glass bottle of diet Coke and jammed a straw in there all in one smooth motion. I took a quick swig and settled into my seat to wait for them to call my name to pick my toppings (grilled chicken, avocado, tehina, lettuce, pickles, “picante” agvaniot…mmm btay avon me!). While waiting Yael called from the OTZMA office, since it’s such a popular destination, especially during lunch time rush hour, I stepped outside real quick. I’d say tops 2 minutes – tops, mind you by outside I literally mean right out the front door, clearly still visible. After our brief little chit chat I hung up and walked back inside to see the woman I’d been sitting next to staring at me, then at my diet Coke…then picking it up…moving it by her salad…and…DRINKING IT!!! What the hell. What the hell. What the hell. NO, What a bitch! I was so mad, and do you know what I did about it? Well I’ll tell you. Absolutely nothing. Because I’m a pussy (no other words fit there, believe me I tried several, but none really capture my essence like the p word). Also I had to face the fact that I’m not a Tel Avivian, or Israeli, or even like a real person. Whatever, in defiance I took my wrap to go! That’ll show you! Just kidding, this other woman took my seat and I obviously didn’t say anything about that either. Instead I decided eating while walking is cute and it makes you seem busy, the people of Tel Aviv now know I’m important because I don’t even have time to sit and eat! I just slathered on some mustard seed aioli and took off. Of course on my way back to work I got lost. All in all it was a very successful first meal. Now I’m back in the office and I feel like a fool.
Also I would just like to point out, assuming that I had in fact left the restaurant, which logically makes no sense since 1. I hadn’t gotten my food, but was holding my receipt waiting in line 2. answered my phone before walking out and 3. left my drink there, like what kind of person just takes a random beverage. What a whore.
I started my big shot internship at Haaretz newspaper today and I’m feeling rather compelled to do something journalistic. Lucky for me ridiculous things tend to happen pretty much all the time. After proofing several hundred talk backs I decided to take a little break for a snackeroonie. I walked upstairs to the top floor to check out the in-building restaurant. I wasn’t exactly bowled over with their selections, and I must say I’m still pretty green about living here in the ‘viv, so I opted to take a walk and find somewhere fun and fresh (read: corporate and trendy) on my own. I quite obviously have no idea where I am in relation to anything, but that’s neither here nor there, and specifically not a deterrent. So I took off, the one working ipod headphone in ear blaring a collection of eurotrash beats and dirty techno, down the rough and tumble streets of Southie. (I’m going to start saying things like the ‘viv and Southie, don’t think real Israeli’s say that mess, I realistically just sound like a jerkoff , but I think its fun). I ended up finding my way to a pretty cute little area of town, with several of the aforementioned “fun and fresh” business lunch dining establishments. Mostly cute chain cafes and sandwich stands. I opted for popular late night munch out favorite Karnaf. It’s like Israel’s most decent version of a burrito, still more reminiscent of shwarma, but they do make a delicious corn tortilla for you on the spot with a giant griddle. (If I knew anything about computers here is where I would include a link to a previous entry (Halloween) in which I went to Karnaf and it would be cute and technologically savvy, but I don’t.)
I swooped in, jumped up to the front of the line and even managed to order in broken Hebrew. I was feeling pretty good about myself, I mean I am a Tel Avivian now, best act like it. The cashier handed me my receipt, I grabbed a glass bottle of diet Coke and jammed a straw in there all in one smooth motion. I took a quick swig and settled into my seat to wait for them to call my name to pick my toppings (grilled chicken, avocado, tehina, lettuce, pickles, “picante” agvaniot…mmm btay avon me!). While waiting Yael called from the OTZMA office, since it’s such a popular destination, especially during lunch time rush hour, I stepped outside real quick. I’d say tops 2 minutes – tops, mind you by outside I literally mean right out the front door, clearly still visible. After our brief little chit chat I hung up and walked back inside to see the woman I’d been sitting next to staring at me, then at my diet Coke…then picking it up…moving it by her salad…and…DRINKING IT!!! What the hell. What the hell. What the hell. NO, What a bitch! I was so mad, and do you know what I did about it? Well I’ll tell you. Absolutely nothing. Because I’m a pussy (no other words fit there, believe me I tried several, but none really capture my essence like the p word). Also I had to face the fact that I’m not a Tel Avivian, or Israeli, or even like a real person. Whatever, in defiance I took my wrap to go! That’ll show you! Just kidding, this other woman took my seat and I obviously didn’t say anything about that either. Instead I decided eating while walking is cute and it makes you seem busy, the people of Tel Aviv now know I’m important because I don’t even have time to sit and eat! I just slathered on some mustard seed aioli and took off. Of course on my way back to work I got lost. All in all it was a very successful first meal. Now I’m back in the office and I feel like a fool.
Also I would just like to point out, assuming that I had in fact left the restaurant, which logically makes no sense since 1. I hadn’t gotten my food, but was holding my receipt waiting in line 2. answered my phone before walking out and 3. left my drink there, like what kind of person just takes a random beverage. What a whore.
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