well ok

I moved to Tel Aviv yesterday. It was a long day. We bought groceries. I had delicious shokshuka a few blocks away with goat cheese and grilled peppers. Enough of that boring story.

I started my big shot internship at Haaretz newspaper today and I’m feeling rather compelled to do something journalistic. Lucky for me ridiculous things tend to happen pretty much all the time. After proofing several hundred talk backs I decided to take a little break for a snackeroonie. I walked upstairs to the top floor to check out the in-building restaurant. I wasn’t exactly bowled over with their selections, and I must say I’m still pretty green about living here in the ‘viv, so I opted to take a walk and find somewhere fun and fresh (read: corporate and trendy) on my own. I quite obviously have no idea where I am in relation to anything, but that’s neither here nor there, and specifically not a deterrent. So I took off, the one working ipod headphone in ear blaring a collection of eurotrash beats and dirty techno, down the rough and tumble streets of Southie. (I’m going to start saying things like the ‘viv and Southie, don’t think real Israeli’s say that mess, I realistically just sound like a jerkoff , but I think its fun). I ended up finding my way to a pretty cute little area of town, with several of the aforementioned “fun and fresh” business lunch dining establishments. Mostly cute chain cafes and sandwich stands. I opted for popular late night munch out favorite Karnaf. It’s like Israel’s most decent version of a burrito, still more reminiscent of shwarma, but they do make a delicious corn tortilla for you on the spot with a giant griddle. (If I knew anything about computers here is where I would include a link to a previous entry (Halloween) in which I went to Karnaf and it would be cute and technologically savvy, but I don’t.)

I swooped in, jumped up to the front of the line and even managed to order in broken Hebrew. I was feeling pretty good about myself, I mean I am a Tel Avivian now, best act like it. The cashier handed me my receipt, I grabbed a glass bottle of diet Coke and jammed a straw in there all in one smooth motion. I took a quick swig and settled into my seat to wait for them to call my name to pick my toppings (grilled chicken, avocado, tehina, lettuce, pickles, “picante” agvaniot…mmm btay avon me!). While waiting Yael called from the OTZMA office, since it’s such a popular destination, especially during lunch time rush hour, I stepped outside real quick. I’d say tops 2 minutes – tops, mind you by outside I literally mean right out the front door, clearly still visible. After our brief little chit chat I hung up and walked back inside to see the woman I’d been sitting next to staring at me, then at my diet Coke…then picking it up…moving it by her salad…and…DRINKING IT!!! What the hell. What the hell. What the hell. NO, What a bitch! I was so mad, and do you know what I did about it? Well I’ll tell you. Absolutely nothing. Because I’m a pussy (no other words fit there, believe me I tried several, but none really capture my essence like the p word). Also I had to face the fact that I’m not a Tel Avivian, or Israeli, or even like a real person. Whatever, in defiance I took my wrap to go! That’ll show you! Just kidding, this other woman took my seat and I obviously didn’t say anything about that either. Instead I decided eating while walking is cute and it makes you seem busy, the people of Tel Aviv now know I’m important because I don’t even have time to sit and eat! I just slathered on some mustard seed aioli and took off. Of course on my way back to work I got lost. All in all it was a very successful first meal. Now I’m back in the office and I feel like a fool.

Also I would just like to point out, assuming that I had in fact left the restaurant, which logically makes no sense since 1. I hadn’t gotten my food, but was holding my receipt waiting in line 2. answered my phone before walking out and 3. left my drink there, like what kind of person just takes a random beverage. What a whore.