Bat Mitzvah Fever

So about my weekend, I can't possibly talk about it too much, needless to say I made it though - you know, to the other side and all that jazz. Listen the woman and her family are really nice, ok so I'm not saying that. And the shomer shabbasness of it all really wasn't too bad, not to mention that the daughter is six not three (although "cool" was an exaggeration). However, it turns out that she has other children she'd not previously mentioned to me, twin three and a half year old boys, totally adorable and totally still stuck in their terrible twos. After our six a.m. wake up call I know I was exhausted, but my hostess seemed to think her general exhaustion outweighed the fact that I was a guest and she asked me to watch the kids while her and her husband napped. I wasn't like "thrilled" about that. I also wasn't "thrilled" about: sleeping on the floor; having to listen to every single thought in her head (should she have had children? should she leave her husband? etc); being proselytized to endlessly (we don't push our faith on outsiders, just those from the tribe who have slipped away from Hashem); but mostly the fact that she cuts her children's hair. Whatever! to keep myself busy I mentally (we don't create on Shabbat, no writing!) started preparing what I believe to be a really very reasonable list of appropriate gifts you(!!!!) can get me for my Bat Mitzvah that I am studying so hard for every spare minute:

Planet Earth Dvd Box Set

Coffee table kitchen design books

Coffee table books on international cuisine (Israel might be nice!)

Cook books likewise from around the world, pretty pictures!

Coffee table books on bathroom design

the perfect set of flatware - couture from Crate and Barrel (perfect for any kitchen theme, not too modern but nicely streamlined, unassuming)

Coffee table architecture books (modern, themed, specific time period/region/country I'm not trying to control you, I give options)

stainless steel artisan Kitchenaid mixer

this one book I found one time at Dizengoff Center on language and its evolution - Lolzy knows what I'm talking about

a lifetime supply of pomegranate oil infused Burt's Bees lip balm

the ability to speak Hebrew (or any other language I might need at that time)fluently

seasons 1-4 and 6-7 of the West Wing; plus of course the Zoey kidnapping scandal arc in season 5

a meet and great with either Cher, Celine Dion or the Dixie Chicks (preferably all three)

a college acceptance letter (doesn't have to be to the school - singular, that I applied to)

a stable future

a rice cooker

to have my tubes tied (I wrote this one at the kindergarten this morning)

a bushel of kittens

professional grade cutlery

an hour long free for all at Williams-Sonoma, Crate and Barrel or Restoration Hardware

some sort of lifetime membership with discounts to Wegman's



I think that should be good, I wanted to be reasonable and I really think I've accomplished that

Now if people actually want me to I really do have a list of reasons why I like Cher, I can upload it - but I won't assume you actually care, unless you do and then you can just let me know. We can start having some sort of real rapport you know where you comment back and let me know if you actually like what I'm saying, if you hate it and why you know all that good stuff.

that's all for now


C.W. Ginsburg